When the Single Life Should Be Considered

Marriage Is Good, but It Is Not the Measure of a Life

Scripture speaks honourably of marriage:

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.” Hebrews 13:4

Marriage should not be belittled in order to honour singleness. God established marriage before the fall, and Christian marriage displays something of the covenant love between Christ and His church.

At the same time, marriage is not the highest good. Christ is. Marriage is temporary and belongs to this present life. In the resurrection, believers “neither marry, nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). Our eternal inheritance is not built around an earthly spouse, but around perfect communion with God and the gathered people of Christ.

What Does It Mean to Be Called to Singleness?

Christians sometimes speak of being “called to singleness”. The phrase can be helpful, provided that we use it carefully.

Scripture does not always describe singleness as a dramatic lifelong call that must be discovered through a special sign. Sometimes it is simply the providential condition in which the Lord has placed us today. We may desire marriage and still be called to honour Christ faithfully while unmarried. We do not need to know what every future year will hold before we can live obediently in the present.

Paul speaks of different gifts and circumstances:

“For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” 1 Corinthians 7:7

For some, the Lord gives a settled desire and ability to remain unmarried. For others, singleness is not what they would have chosen, yet God gives grace for the season. The question is not merely, “Do I enjoy being single?” It is, “How may I honour the Lord faithfully in the circumstances He has presently given me?”

Called to a Single Life: Never Married

An unmarried Christian may feel overlooked, particularly in churches where much of congregational life is organised around couples and children. Well-meaning questions can gradually become painful: “Have you met anyone?” “When are you going to settle down?” “Do you not want a family?”

Such questions may unintentionally imply that adult life has not properly begun until marriage. Scripture gives no basis for that conclusion. The Lord Jesus was unmarried. Paul served Christ as an unmarried man. Their lives were not incomplete.

You may desire marriage without making it an idol

It is not sinful to desire a husband or wife. A longing for marriage, companionship, intimacy, and children may be entirely natural and good. We need not pretend that such desires do not exist in order to appear content.

Yet a good desire can become ruling. We may begin to believe that life cannot be meaningful without marriage, that God has withheld something necessary for our good, or that any relationship is better than continued singleness. At that point, desire can make us vulnerable to compromise.

You may also freely consider a settled unmarried life

Paul describes a genuine advantage that unmarried believers may possess:

“But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32

Paul is not teaching that married believers are less spiritual. Marriage brings God-given responsibilities. A husband or wife must rightly give attention to the needs of the spouse, household, and children. The unmarried believer may have greater flexibility in time, finances, location, hospitality, study, prayer, travel, caring responsibilities, and Christian service.

That freedom should not be romanticised. Single life includes ordinary work, tiredness, bills, household responsibilities, bodily weakness, temptation, and sorrow. Yet those freedoms can be deliberately offered to the Lord.

Called to a Single Life After Marriage

Singleness after marriage is usually very different from never having married. It may carry grief, memories, disrupted routines, financial change, parenting responsibilities, lost companionship, shattered hopes, or unresolved questions about the past.

A person may become single through bereavement, abandonment, or divorce. Each requires distinct biblical and pastoral consideration. We should not speak simplistically where the pathway has involved deep sorrow.

Singleness after bereavement

The death of a husband or wife brings the marriage covenant to an end. Scripture permits the surviving spouse to remarry:

“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39

Remarriage is therefore lawful, provided it is “only in the Lord”. Yet remarriage is not compulsory. Paul continues:

“But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.” 1 Corinthians 7:40

A widow or widower may prayerfully decide that remaining single is wiser, more peaceful, or better suited to present responsibilities. There should be no pressure either to remarry quickly or to prove loyalty to the late spouse by never remarrying.

Singleness after divorce

Divorce is always a serious rupture of what God designed to be a lifelong covenant. Yet the circumstances surrounding divorce vary greatly. Some have been sinned against through adultery, abandonment, coercion, abuse, or other grave covenant-breaking behaviour. Some recognise their own serious contribution to the destruction of the marriage. Often there is a painful mixture of sin, weakness, fear, confusion, and suffering.

Questions about remarriage must therefore be considered carefully. The relevant biblical passages include Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:3-9, Mark 10:2-12, Romans 7:1-3, and 1 Corinthians 7.

Some divorced believers may be biblically free to remarry. Others may not be. Some may be free, but conclude that remarriage would be unwise because of children, age, health, ministry, unresolved grief, safeguarding concerns, or the particular complexity of their circumstances.

Where remarriage is not biblically available, the call to remain single should not be presented as though the person’s remaining life has been emptied of purpose. Chastity, faithfulness, service, fellowship, holiness, and joy remain possible through the grace of Christ.

Where reconciliation with a living spouse remains biblically appropriate and safely possible, that possibility should not be closed merely because a new relationship appears attractive. Paul writes:

“But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:11

This verse requires careful pastoral application. It must not be used to force a vulnerable person back into danger, nor should it be ignored where genuine reconciliation remains possible. Questions involving abuse, coercive control, sexual violence, threats, stalking, or danger to children require safeguarding wisdom as well as theological care.

When Remaining Single May Be the Wiser Course

Even where marriage or remarriage may be lawful, a believer may conclude that remaining single is presently wiser.

Singleness Is Not the Same as Isolation

One of the deepest fears associated with singleness is the fear of being alone. That fear should not be dismissed. Single believers may bear burdens without the daily presence of a spouse: illness, financial decisions, household problems, ageing, holidays, evenings, and significant life events.

The answer is not to pretend that Christ removes every human need for companionship. God created us for fellowship. The New Testament presents the local church as a household and family:

“Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God.” Ephesians 2:19

Churches should not treat single adults as an additional ministry category at the edge of congregational life. They are brothers and sisters within the household of faith, possessing gifts, wisdom, responsibilities, needs, and opportunities for service.

Sexual Purity and the Single Christian

Scripture calls every unmarried Christian to sexual purity. This is not because the body is shameful, but because the body belongs to the Lord. Sexual desire itself is not evidence of spiritual failure. Yet desire must not govern us.

Paul writes:

“I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

These verses acknowledge the reality of sexual desire and the goodness of marriage. They do not mean that anyone experiencing strong temptation should marry the first available person. Marriage is not merely a remedy for desire. It is a solemn covenant involving character, faith, love, mutual duty, and lifelong commitment.

Single Christians may need practical accountability, wise boundaries, careful use of technology, honest prayer, wholesome friendships, and a disciplined refusal to feed fantasy. Where there has been sexual sin, pornography, an affair, or an unbiblical relationship, the answer is not despair but repentance, forgiveness, and renewed obedience in Christ.

Learning Contentment Without Denying Grief

Christian contentment does not require us to call every circumstance easy. Paul said:

“I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

Contentment is learned. It grows as we come to know God’s character, trust His providence, submit our desires to His wisdom, and receive today’s grace rather than demanding tomorrow’s explanation.

We may be content and still feel loneliness. We may trust God and still grieve that children were not given, that a spouse died, that a marriage ended, or that the companionship we hoped for has not come. Biblical contentment does not numb the heart. It teaches the grieving heart where to rest.

Questions to Consider Before God

A Wise Path Forward

1. Begin with your identity in Christ.
   Your worth, adoption, forgiveness, and eternal future do not depend upon whether you marry.
2. Distinguish your particular situation.
   Never married, widowed, separated, abandoned, and divorced are not interchangeable circumstances.
3. Clarify the biblical questions.
   Where divorce or remarriage is involved, do not rely only upon feelings or general advice.
4. Allow grief to be named.
   Singleness can involve real loss. Bring that sorrow to God rather than disguising it as indifference or resentment.
5. Seek wise and informed counsel.
   Speak with faithful church leaders or counsellors who will listen carefully and handle Scripture responsibly.
6. Build meaningful Christian community.
   Pursue friendship, hospitality, fellowship, and mutual care rather than withdrawing into isolation.
7. Use present freedoms purposefully.
   Ask what opportunities for service, generosity, prayer, study, and care the Lord has placed before you now.
8. Do not force a permanent answer prematurely.
   You may faithfully receive singleness today without claiming to know everything the Lord will do tomorrow.
9. Keep eternity in view.
   Marriage belongs to this age. Union with Christ and fellowship with His redeemed people will never end.

Sources and Recommended Reading

Scripture governs the conscience. These resources are offered to support further study rather than replace careful reading of the Word of God.