Marriage


Introduction

Marriage is God’s covenantal design for companionship, holiness, and the raising of children in the fear of the Lord. It is not merely a human contract but a divine ordinance, reflecting Christ’s relationship to His Church (Ephesians 5:32). A healthy marriage is marked by sacrificial love, mutual respect, and shared devotion to God.

Richard Baxter devotes a large portion of his Christian Directory to marriage. He addresses duties of husbands and wives, dangers that undermine peace, and remedies for common sins. He insists that marriage must be grounded in faith, charity, and patience, not in selfishness or tyranny.


Scripture Focus

  • “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, KJV)


List of Relevant Scriptures

  • Genesis 2:18 – “It is not good that the man should be alone.”
  • Malachi 2:14–16 – God is witness between husband and wife; He hates divorce and treachery.
  • Matthew 19:4–6 – What God has joined together, let not man put asunder.
  • 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 – Render due benevolence; defraud not one another.
  • Ephesians 5:22–33 – Husbands love, wives submit, both as to the Lord.
  • Colossians 3:18–19 – Wives submit, husbands love without bitterness.
  • 1 Peter 3:1–7 – Meek wives win unbelieving husbands; husbands dwell with wives with understanding.
  • Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is honourable in all.


Overview of the Biblical Teaching on This Issue

Marriage is a covenant relationship designed to glorify God and bless His people. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church — sacrificially, tenderly, and faithfully. Wives are called to respect and reverence their husbands, supporting them with meekness and wisdom.

The Bible honours intimacy within marriage and forbids using it as a weapon of manipulation. Both husband and wife are equally heirs of the grace of life. Conflict and sin will arise, but the gospel provides resources for patience, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Marriage flourishes when Christ is the centre and His Word directs daily life.


Pastoral Guidance

Drawing from Baxter’s counsel:

  • To husbands: “Be not tyrants over your wives, nor abuse them by cruelty or contempt; but love them as your own flesh.”¹ He urges husbands to lead with gentleness, provision, and prayer.
  • To wives: “Be not clamorous, or quarrelsome, or stubborn against your husbands… but seek to win them by meekness and love.”² Baxter warns against nagging, sulking, or withholding intimacy as sinful abuses of duty.
  • On intimacy: “Neither husband nor wife must deny one another due benevolence; for this is to deny a duty which God hath made a debt.”³ Baxter strongly rebukes those who use intimacy as leverage.
  • On quarrels: He counsels couples to avoid unnecessary strife, practise swift reconciliation, and cultivate meekness as the guardian of peace.
  • On mixed marriages: If one spouse is unbelieving, the believer must seek to win them by godly example, not by harshness.
  • On separation: In extreme cases of “intolerable injuries, dangers, or cruelties,” lawful separation may be necessary, though Baxter advises it only when safety or chastity is endangered.
  • On the shared goal: Above all, Baxter exhorts husbands and wives to remember that their marriage is a partnership for holiness: “Help one another heavenward, and bear with one another’s infirmities.”⁴


Further Reading

  • Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory, Part II, Ch. IX (“Directions for Family Duties”).
  • William Gouge, Of Domestical Duties.
  • Thomas Gataker, Marriage Duties Briefly Couched Together.
  • John Owen, Sermons on Marriage and the Family.
  • Modern: Andreas Köstenberger, God, Marriage, and Family.


Footnotes

  1. Baxter, A Christian Directory, Part II, Ch. IX.
  2. Ibid.
  3. Ibid.
  4. Ibid.