Biblical Love 2
Caroline Kent • December 3, 2024
Love is Transforming
Expounding 1 Corinthians 13:5 – Love and Its Transformative Power in Struggling Marriages
1 Corinthians 13:5 states, “[Love] doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (KJV). This verse provides profound insight into how love governs interpersonal relationships, especially marriage. Let’s explore each term in detail and consider its application to a marriage that is strained by conflict or misunderstanding.
Key Terms and Their Contextual Meaning
1.“Doth not behave itself unseemly” (Courtesy):
- Definition: Love is not rude, inappropriate, or inconsiderate. It carries the idea of honourable and respectful behaviour in all circumstances.
- Biblical Insight: Jesus’ interactions, even with those who opposed Him, often reflected respect and dignity (e.g., His treatment of the Samaritan woman in John 4:7-26).
Application in Marriage:
- Courtesy in marriage means avoiding harsh words, belittling remarks, or behaviours that demean your spouse.
- Example: A husband who refrains from interrupting his wife during a disagreement models love’s respect.
- Puritan Perspective: Richard Baxter exhorted couples to practice mutual courtesy, writing, “A family must be governed by love, and not by fury, as a tyrant rules his slaves” (The Christian Directory).
2.“Seeketh not her own” (Selflessness):
- Definition: Love prioritises the needs and well-being of others over selfish desires. It embodies the principle of sacrificial giving.
- Biblical Insight: Christ’s sacrificial death on the cross epitomises love that “seeketh not her own” (Philippians 2:5-8).
Application in Marriage:
- A selfless spouse looks for ways to meet their partner’s needs, even when it requires personal sacrifice.
- Example: A wife might choose to listen to her husband’s concerns after a long day, setting aside her own exhaustion to be fully present.
- Reflective Question: How can I tangibly prioritise my spouse’s needs this week?
3.“Is not easily provoked” (Emotional Restraint):
- Definition: Love is not quick to anger or irritability. It maintains self-control under provocation.
- Biblical Insight: James 1:19 encourages believers to be “slow to anger,” reflecting a spirit of patience and grace.
Application in Marriage:
- Emotional restraint prevents conflicts from escalating and allows time for thoughtful responses.
- Example: A spouse who feels frustrated over financial stress might pause to pray and compose themselves rather than lashing out.
- Interactive Challenge: When was the last time I paused before responding in anger? How did it change the outcome?
4.“Thinketh no evil” (Forgiveness and Trust):
- Definition: Love keeps no record of wrongs and does not assume the worst about another. It actively chooses to forgive.
- Biblical Insight: God’s forgiveness, described in Psalm 103:12, reminds us of His ability to “remove our transgressions” completely.
Application in Marriage:
- A marriage free from “thinking evil” is one where forgiveness is freely given, and past grievances are not weaponised in future arguments.
- Example: A husband might consciously decide not to bring up his wife’s past mistake during a current disagreement, choosing instead to focus on resolving the present issue.
- Puritan Wisdom: Thomas Watson observed, “We need not climb up to heaven to fetch forgiveness down; Christ has brought it down to our hearts already” (Body of Divinity).
Practical Applications for Struggling Marriages
- Journaling Prompt: Reflect on each aspect of love in this verse. Write down areas where you’ve fallen short and confess them to God. Pray for His help to grow in these virtues.
- Couple’s Challenge: Set aside one evening this week to discuss these qualities with your spouse. Identify one practical way each of you can demonstrate selflessness, courtesy, emotional restraint, and forgiveness.
- Scripture Meditation: Memorise 1 Corinthians 13:5 together. Recite it during moments of tension to remind yourselves of love’s characteristics.
Encouragement for Marriages
John Bunyan, in The Pilgrim’s Progress, wrote, “He who has love in his heart has spurs in his sides.” Love moves us to act, even when it is difficult or sacrificial. A struggling marriage is not beyond hope when love’s qualities are intentionally practised, for God supplies the grace to love as He loves us.
Reflection Question: How does knowing that God keeps no record of your wrongs encourage you to forgive your spouse?
May you find strength in the transformative power of Christlike love, remembering that “love never faileth” (1 Corinthians 13:8 KJV).
A Guide for Those Who Know the Truth but Struggle to Rest in It
This psalm not only models the journey from despair to trust but offers a divine pattern for how we, as pilgrims in this vale of tears, can navigate the storms of the soul in a God-honouring and healing way. 1. Honest Expression of Distress (Verses 1-2) David’s raw cry—“How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?” (Psalm 13:1 KJV)—invites us to the sacred practice of lament. This is no small thing. Lament is faith wrestling with suffering. It is the cry of a soul that still believes, even when it feels abandoned. Biblical Parallels: Job’s Lament: “Even to day is my complaint bitter: my stroke is heavier than my groaning” (Job 23:2 KJV). Job voiced his anguish, yet his suffering ultimately revealed God’s sovereign wisdom. Jeremiah’s Complaint: “Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed?” (Jeremiah 15:18 KJV). Jeremiah’s faithful cries amid rejection remind us that lament is not weakness but communion. Christ on the Cross: Our Lord Himself cried out in desolation: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46 KJV). Christ, the Man of Sorrows, walked the ultimate path of forsakenness so that we never would. Puritan Wisdom: Thomas Watson reminds us, “The way to heaven is by Weeping-cross. Christ's cross is the sweetest burden that ever I bore; it is such a burden as wings are to a bird, or sails to a ship, to carry me forward to my harbour” (Watson, 1893). Lament is not a sign of spiritual failure; it is often the mark of a believer straining toward home. Counselling Reflection: We must teach our souls, and those we counsel, that we are permitted—even invited—to bring our most broken cries before the Lord. The altar of grace welcomes tears. Journal Prompt: “What am I truly feeling before the Lord? Have I dared to bring it to Him in honesty?” 2. Capturing the Nature of Inner Turmoil (Verses 2-4) David reveals his internal wrestling: “How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?” (Psalm 13:2 KJV). This depicts the mental toil we often endure—turning over our fears, seeking answers within ourselves, yet finding none. Biblical Parallels: Asaph’s Inner Struggle: “I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed” (Psalm 77:3 KJV). Asaph’s heart churned within him until he turned to the “years of the right hand of the most High” (Psalm 77:10 KJV). Elijah’s Despair: Under the juniper tree, Elijah cried, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life” (1 Kings 19:4 KJV). His exhaustion mirrored our own when we lean on our strength. Puritan Wisdom: Richard Baxter wisely observed, “Melancholy is not cured by arguments as much as by diverting thoughts, cheerful company, just labour, and hearty prayers” (Baxter, 1825). Left to ourselves, our minds often spiral downward. The remedy is to lift our gaze heavenward. Counselling Application: Guide the anxious heart away from self-reliance to God-reliance. We are not called to be self-sufficient; we are called to trust. Practical Task: When the “counsel of your soul” is troubling you, pause and pray aloud the promises of God. 3. Turning to God in Supplication (Verses 3-4) David turns his attention to the Lord: “Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death” (Psalm 13:3 KJV). Here, faith stirs. David, though weak, reaches toward God for help. Supplication shifts the gaze from the storm to the Captain of the ship. Biblical Parallels: Hezekiah’s Prayer: Facing death, Hezekiah turned to the wall and prayed (Isaiah 38:2 KJV). His prayer prolonged his life and strengthened his heart. Hannah’s Petition: In her distress, Hannah “poured out my soul before the Lord” (1 Samuel 1:15 KJV). God heard and answered, granting Samuel. Puritan Wisdom: William Gurnall exhorts, “The Christian’s prayer-book is his armory. There he doth sharpen his weapons and find new artillery, which he fetches down from heaven” (Gurnall, 1864). Prayer is the pivot where anxiety yields to hope. Counselling Practice: Teach the anxious to pray through their fears. Use the psalms as a script for prayer. Even when words fail, Scripture can speak for us. Prayer Exercise: Begin with Psalm 13; make its words your own. 4. Reframing with Gospel Truth (Verses 5-6) “But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation” (Psalm 13:5 KJV). This is the climax. David’s circumstances have not changed—but his perspective has. Biblical Parallels: Habakkuk’s Rejoicing: “Although the fig tree shall not blossom… yet I will rejoice in the Lord” (Habakkuk 3:17-18 KJV). Faith transcends circumstances. Paul’s Contentment: “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11 KJV). Contentment is rooted in Christ, not in ease. Puritan Wisdom: Jeremiah Burroughs calls this “the rare jewel of Christian contentment,” stating, “A Christian comes to contentment, not so much by way of addition, as by way of subtraction—by subtracting from his desires, rather than adding to his circumstances” (Burroughs, 1651). Counselling Practice: Help others recount the mercies of God. Gratitude reframes our fears and roots us in divine faithfulness. Gratitude Exercise: Record daily mercies. Revisit them in times of doubt. 5. Trusting the Captain in the Trenches David concludes, “I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:6 KJV). Trust births praise. We see this echoed in Paul and Silas singing in prison (Acts 16:25 KJV). Final Puritan Encouragement: John Flavel comforts us, “Providence is like a Hebrew word—it can only be read backwards” (Flavel, 1678). Often, it is only in hindsight that we see the Lord’s hand. Christ Our Captain: William Gurnall exhorts us, “Thou hast a Captain who never lost a battle, and therefore thou needest not fear to lose the day in His company. March on, Christian!” (Gurnall, 1665). We follow a Captain who bore our griefs and carried our sorrows (Isaiah 53:4 KJV). His cross is the anchor in every storm. Final Application for the Weary Soul Psalm 13 is not merely poetry; it is a battle plan: Pour out your lament before God. Recognise the turmoil within but refuse to dwell there. Turn to the Lord in supplication. Recall the mercies of Christ and trust in His salvation. Sing—though your voice may tremble—for He has dealt bountifully with you. Reflection and Prayer Exercise: Write your own psalm today. Follow the pattern of Psalm 13: Cry out your pain. Name your fears. Ask God for help. Declare His faithfulness. End with praise. Let this pattern become a well-worn path for your soul, leading you ever deeper into the arms of Christ. References: Burroughs, J. (1651). The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. Flavel, J. (1678). The Mystery of Providence. Gurnall, W. (1665). The Christian in Complete Armour. Sibbes, R. (2005). The Bruised Reed. Watson, T. (1893). The Art of Divine Contentment. Baxter, R. (1825). The Practical Works of Richard Baxter.
Encouraging Those Who Struggle to Trust the Bible Again
